- The Party Animal: Every weekend there’s new pictures from the “SICKEST PARTii oMg”, everyone will be holding a strategically place alcohol bottle so that you know how “smashed” they got. There will probably be a few pictures of a pair of drunks followed by a comment saying “OMG DELETE!!!!!”. Expect regular complaints about hangovers with a side of “I’m never drinking again!!!!!!!”.
- The Addict: They’ve probably got a mirror shot of some kind as their default picture. The addict is likely to get blocked from your timeline purely for over-updating, you know everything about their life: favourite song at the moment, what they did last night, when they last showered and probably the colour of their underwear too. Their groups consist of “I would do my homework if Facebook didn’t exist” and “what did I do before Facebook?”. Oh, and you will always know how long they’ve been in a relationship and with whom.
- The Complainer: Let’s face it, they’re probably so busy with school/work/social drama they probably should never have opened an account. Whether they’re stressed over a Maths assignment or fighting with their best friend, you’ll know about it. Facebook is the complainer’s secret diary..just not so secret. Between negative status’s you’ll usually find the caring friend (see below) commenting to “just checking you’re okay babe xxx message me if you need something!” and groups such as “I HATE DRAMA”.
- The Caring Friend: Usually the first to comment your picture telling you how gorgeous you look and always letting you know that he/she is “there for you”. The caring friend usually won’t update often unless they’ve found a new, inspiring quote online. Every comment/wall post/status will end with a smiley or xoxoxo. :) :D =) xoxoxo
- The Novice: That person who was peer-pressured into creating an account through their friends. They will have little to no status updates and their wall usually only consists of comments such as “OMG you finally joined facebook!” and “Welcome to facebook (novice’s name here)!!!”. They are those friends you have that log in once and never again, hell, they probably don’t even have a profile picture.
Because my piano teacher is teaching me the Beatles.
And I’m starting off with Lady Madonna; and so far it sounds pretty damn good.
This all started when I brought the Paul McCartney Music Book I borrowed from the school library to one piano lesson and now it has blossomed into a beautiful ‘musical opportunity’ flower. Of course she can play it perfectly already but little me has to learn.
My 9 year old brother wrote this; I laughed for ages.
Mark: Hello how are you today?
Charlie: Good, good you?
Mark: Alright, I got divorced with my husband
Charlie: Your husband?
Mark: Yeah, don’t you know?
Charlie: Know what?
Mark: That I’m gay
Charlie: YOUR GAY??
Charlie: We were best friends man, how could you do
this to me. You told me that you had a wife.
Mark: Ahhhhhhhhh……………(pulls out a gun) die fool BANG!!!! (has gun wrong way round,shoots himself)
Charlie: Were you gunna shoot me?
Mark: Yess uuuuurrrrrrrrrgggghhh save meeee
Charlie: Ahhhhhhh………..ok (dials 000) (ambulance comes rushing in and does CPR)
Mark: Yey I’m saved
Charlie: Come to my apartment
(5 minutes later)
Charlie: Now sit down
Mark: I wanna go to Mcdonalds
(10 minutes later)
Charlie: I’ll have 2 big macs with two large sodas
Mark: What do I get?
Charlie: A big mac and a large soda
Charlie: Lets eat
Mark: My chip has fallen on the floor, can I get it?
Charlie: Ahhhhhh……sure (laughs sarcastically)
(goes under table)
Mark: Huh, whats that
(sights some chewing gum………..starts to chew)
Mark: Mmmmmmmmmm yummy
Charlie: Whats going on under there
Charlie: Don’t chew that
Mark: Hehehehehehehehehe byebye
(teleports into space)
Charlie: What the heck…………BANG!!!! (dies)
Worker: Wow I’d love to teleport
Doctor Who: Come with me then
Doctor Who: Lets go then
(the two blast off to……….some place but macas)
Doctor Who: Holy crap, it’s the time crack thingy
Worker: I’ll go touch it to see if its safe
Doctor Who: Don’t touch it Amy…….oh wait that was my old sidekick she died cos she jumped in lava
(the two teleport some where else)
Worker: Good thing there’s no dangers here
Doctor Who: Apart from me……….heheheheheeeeeeee
(pulls out a rocket launcher) Arrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhh ………….SHPOOOOOOOO!
Doctor Who: So long sucker
(jumps in an X-wing fighter and flies off into space)
Sumtymes I tlk lyk dis 4 wen i post sum picz on Tumblr but now it iz habit and i tlk lyk dis a bit 2 much now.
I don’t even like talking like that. What is this?
I just went from THE HAPPIEST MOOD IN THE WORLD* to the shittiest mood in 2 seconds.
* because today;
- Our Voice Choir came first place in the competition.
- Our school won every event at the same Speech Festival.
- The bus trip on the way home with Matt was wonderful and nice and lovely.
- The principal shouted about 30 kids Maccas.
And THEN. I get home, check my roster for Maccas next week and find out I have 7 fucking hours of Fries in total. FRIES. FUCKING FRENCH FRIES.
I am going to get yelled at because I can’t make fries quick enough for crap.
1 day gerl by watermelon at market. boy walk up 2 her nd say “those nice melons. can touch them?” gerl slap boy in face nd push boy nd watermelon in2 trafic. boy get hit by car nd melon smash.
boy die there in street. inside melon is note tht say “i lov u”
gerl sad and throw hrself in front of bus.
hobo say “u gon eat this melon?”
no1 answer cuz they all dead.
- Decide to go to a house party. Post about how excited you are for said party on Facebook the entire week prior to it.
- Have pre-drinks at someone’s house, preferably jello shots. Post statuses that say things like “omggg may have made myself a bit tipsy :P”
- Make sure your dress only just covers your buttcheeks, and your heels too high for you to actually walk in.
- Go to house party. Drink so much that you vomit on someone, have sex in a bush, and lose all your belongings. Take photos of everything and everyone.
- Leave party and drive to McDonald’s at 2AM. Take more photos of you in the car, making sure to have your tongue out in each one.
- Crash at a) someone’s house, or b) in a bus stop. Wake up extremely hungover and tell everyone on Facebook that you are never drinking again.
- Upload all the photos to Facebook. Add captions such as “omg so loose” and “hahahaaaa u guys wont like this one”.
- Stalk all newly tagged photos of you and write “UNTAG!!!!!” on each of them because you “look so festyyyyy”.
- Repeat every week.
Dis iz tru! OMG letz get wasted! - You fuckers.